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I come from Eastern Europe. I was born in the communist regime to a very unusual family (in the 80s). My dad was already 63 when I was a teenager. My mum was 22 years younger than him so she looked like his daughter and me like his grand daughter. The curious questions from my peers did not bother me that much, though my sister - 6 years younger, did not like them at all. Imagine growing up with a dad who was born in between 2 World Wars. He knew very well what poverty and shortage was. (As a consequence we were always forced to finish our meals even if we did not like them or were full.) He also knew what a success meant - his father was an architect and entrepreneur who owned couple of properties in Czechoslovakia. He also knew what a defeat was - in the 50s, under the communist regime all the property was confiscated by the state and both him and his sister were dismissed from architecture studies. Next, they went on to find odd jobs and needed to overcome feelings of injustice, rejection and maybe humiliation. Once the communist regime was peacefully overthrown there came opportunities but more importantly the possibility to reclaim oneself and one´s dreams back. Only, it happened when my father was 63 years old. He courageously went on to work for a foreign company in his retirement age, managed all the legal process of restitution of stolen property, yet he could not rewind the time. So he looked hopefully to his successors and projected his dreams onto us! What did we hear about success in life? It meant working hard, never giving up, aiming high, resting was not permitted. Success was also linked to certain fields, humanities not among them. Maybe because humanity failed my father massively? Part of the successful journey was not owing it to anybody. It was looked upon as weakness, because you can do everything if you try hard enough. (I suspect now that underneath it there was a mistrust.) Success was not connected with wealth but rather with knowledge, status of belonging, visible output. Hard work bears fruit, so achievement was a normal outcome, nothing special. Children´s success reflected parental sacrifice and their active involvement in shaping the offspring. It was a vehicle to make a parent proud. Lack of it meant a complete and utter parental disappointment. Leaving kids with feelings of never being enough. Nobody asked us what being successful in life meant to us? Nobody reflected upon the lack of control of external circumstances. About the resilience that grows under harsh circumstances by not accepting defeat, fueled by comparison, hurt pride and maybe hidden anger? Nobody fathomed allowing other option - growing resilience with acknowledging presence of injustice and fostering self-love, perseverance that does not exclude rest and self-care. Failure was not in the vocabulary. But still it had a definition: everything below excellent! Thus hard work and zero rest were a preventative measure not to become a loser and to control the future. It ultimately led me to having the impostor syndrome and becoming a meticulous planner and controller. The fatigue or any other bodily signal of distress were not to stand in the way of fully operational individual. Strategy that works until the body cannot continue - either because of internal collapse or collapse "imposed" by an illness or accident. Considering failure as an opportunity to learn something about ourselves? The way we learn, work, think, prepare or not prepare? Could it be an inevitable life experience that often does not depend on our efforts, so we may as well relax? Is failure always a closure - end of a career progress, end of a marriage? Or could it be an opening, a new discovery, a start of new approach to life? Not up for debate. Personal experience but probably relatable to many of you. Fast forward to the present, what do I see has changed in the society? We talk about stress related to "outcome" - be it in school or work settings. We are able to name and put in place strategies to navigate during tense situations. We talk and read a lot about burnout and recovery from burnout. We know more or less where to reach out for help if we feel psychologically distressed. But we do not talk about the root cause of excessive stress everywhere. The recent survey of Chambre des salariés Luxembourg shows that the quality of working life in Luxembourg dropped to the lowest level in a decade. The Health Behaviour in School-aged Children (HBSC) study from 2022 states that 62,3% of girls suffer from psychosomatic symptoms such as headaches, inability to sleep well and 16,5 % to 25 % of young people have some form of psychological disorder. Reasons stated are the following: COVID pandemics, loneliness, reduced physical activity, socioeconomic inequalities and we could now probably add the world being at war. Everybody calls for systemic change but where should we begin? By revisiting first trans-generational trauma. Watch out for unhealthy patterns. What did we hate or did not like when we were kids? What did we miss, wished our parents did differently? How can we gradually change something we are unconsciously repeating? (Pushing the kids or ourselves to be occupied meaningfully all the time. Being strict, demanding, result-oriented). By working on our fears - especially fear of future. Am I always playing the worst-case scenario? (My child will not have the best grades and therefore their choices of further studies would be limited. If I do not work overtime I will be not promoted. If I say no, I would be judged/not loved.) Fear of missing out - checking constantly about trainings, workshops, new opportunities, competitions the child or myself need to take part in, in order to be well prepared for the future. That will happen in a span of 10 years or more and by that time everything will be different! By adjusting our language when we speak about success: "I am so proud of you." - involves taking the credit, caressing own ego. Instead we can offer curiosity: Tell me how you achieved this? What did your journey involve? We can share happiness: I imagine you are happy, joyful. When things go wrong - bad exam result, loss in a sports competition - try not to judge and look for culprits. "You could do better. How come you trained so long and you lost? You´d better spend less time on your phone and start studying." Instead we can offer space to their feelings of disappointment. Ask them what they think did not work well? Ask whether they need help from your side or a tutor or a coach. Also, let them fail. Let yourself fail. Cultivate compassionate self-talk. When talking about both, move on and try to be neutral. Do not celebrate for weeks a won competition or a successful university admission - mentioning it every time your friends come along. Do not fuel "celebrity"status. At the same time, grieve the flops but do not dwell in them, re-examining them constantly, underlining it should not happen again, because it will. The way we talk about success and failure shapes our mental well-being. It stays deeply ingrained in our minds and bodies. Parental disappointment in a child is a rejection and form of control. Kids can develop anxiety, depression, have low self-esteem which can in turn lead to poor behavior and poor academic performance. It impacts brain regions like prefrontal cortex that is involved in attention, working memory, and impulse control. Amygdala - responsible for regulating emotions is also negatively impacted - prone to anxiety and fear. On the other hand, praising too much, putting emphasis on "best" - best results, one of the best schools, best career prospects not only makes our society more and more narcissistic but does not prepare our kids for "average". Average being the norm, ordinary "destiny"of majority of us. Average can be good, fine, even best sometimes. The "Middle-Way" in Buddhism encourages balance and moderation, avoiding extremes. Effort is mindful and comparison is ego-delusion. Instead of aiming to be above average we could aim at developing compassion and recognize oneness and shared humanity with others. It took me couple of years to shake off the constant urge for striving to be better. It took me couple of years to be able to acknowledge that my little successes are not random, nor just the result of hard work but more of navigating well between highs and lows. It took me couple of years not to feel bad about just sitting for an hour on a sunny balcony with my coffee and contemplating life. But and that must be said - it was work, conscious work and then also conscious practice. With my mind but also body - breath work, relaxation, grounding, visualisation, befriending my inner critic etc. And I feel we owe it to ourselves but we owe it also to the next generation. Systemic change, as paradoxically as it may sound, starts at individual level. It is not top down approach. We can have as many strategies to cope, as many good advise, as many workshops as we want. But first we need to acknowledge and allow ourselves to fail, not to be ashamed of failing. And success? Let´s fully enjoy it - may it be "only" getting up in the morning, putting on clothes and going behind the desk, working on an average task that is not going to be written about in a newspaper.

Worried woman If you think opening your socials in the morning or evening is harmless you are maybe mistaken. Dozens of articles pop up instantly in our feed - all claiming they know the one ingredient we miss to live better. The problem, dozens of articles propose dozens of different ingredients. Nutrition. Are you starting your morning with a bowl of muesli and chia seeds? Wrong. You thought you would give your body fibre and omega-3 fatty acids? Well, you did not consider the sugar spike danger. Your breakfast should be savoury, full of protein but obviously not consisting of bacon or ham - No1 carcinogenic food. Physical exercise.  Avid runner, lover of Zumba? Wrong. Not enough. To build stronger bones and not to lose your muscle mass (over 30 you are already doomed) you need to wear the weighted vest regularly and lift. Not your funny colourful dumbbells. Really heavy. Do not ask me what heavy is, because according to general guideline for safe manual handling for a woman it is a maximum of 16kg (35lbs). But apparently you can do much better in a gym. With guidance, of course. Child rearing  was never as much of a riddle as it is nowadays. Not only you are supposed to breastfeed, make home-made food in bio quality, wash with non-toxic detergent, play and develop learning activities according to Montessori, Waldorf or Reggio Emilia method, and some others but you need to be present enough but not a helicopter parent. Intimate relationships.  Evolutionary we are not predisposed to live 50-60 years with one partner. Yet, women should try. Always. Never give up. Watch Esther Perel or at least read the Gottmans´work - The seven principles for making marriage work. Combine with couple therapy. Is your hubby a bit reticent? Never mind, try harder, work on yourself. On your behaviour, on your shape, on your attitude. And above all - stay positive. Everything works out in the end. (Like on a death bed?) Caring for elderly relatives.  Yes, we know that there is a gender dis-balance. Yes, we know that women get more emotionally involved and attached to their "patients". We also know that women are not specifically prepared for this role, yet the society expects them to step in just because they are women. Do not worry. Your feed will give you useful tips and tricks about setting healthy boundaries, how to ask for help, how to recognise the signs of burnout and many more. Back to ourselves.  Be "au courant" how to prevent neurodegenerative disease in yourself, otherwise you could not follow up on the steps mentioned above. Crosswords, sudoku, new language learning is not enough. You need to step out of your comfort zone. Have you hated math at school? That is, it. Go back to math, do not resist, embrace it, visualise only positive outcomes for your brain while calculating again during long winter evenings. The truth is the information we get in our feed, or the info the daily or weekly magazines target women at are interesting. The results of new research are good to know about. The possibilities and choice we have these days could be used to our advantage. Also, the truth is that our brain is not "made" to function well with this overload. The over generalisation that inevitably happens in popular articles and even more in short stories may be potentially dangerous. Take the example of short Instagram or Facebook story. They are often filmed in advance. They involve careful preparation. They most likely involve additional staff. Do you think that the top paid gynaecologist in the world films themselves as they prepare their morning collagen smoothie at 6 a.m. before they go to ward? Very unlikely. But it gives the impression that this is how every single day starts and then unfolds according to very controllable and goal driven scenario. All advice we see during the day and the way it is presented give us the impression that there is so much to do. So many things to take care of, introduce and then keep and not to skip, that we want to down the bottle of wine upon arrival from work. And then we remember that the new research says that no amount of alcohol is safe. We often feel worried or missing out. We constantly exchange info on what to do and not to do to have happy relationship, kids, parents, age well and die peacefully that we forget to live. Here and Now. Indeed, we can disconnect from social media - but for how long? If disconnection is the only way to find peace, then should not we stop using social media forever? What would be then my advice, the secret ingredient, the one that will help you to live better (lol)? Go for it all - the immersive experience. Swim frantically in the flood of info, panting for breath and eventually let go, mute the prominent experts, just watch memes, cute cat stories or National Geographic videos. Then let go of expectations to be able to improve all aspects of life and the fact that you could ditch your smartphone. Check regularly how you feel about the things you see online, before opening or watching something new, ask yourself - do I need this info? What would more knowledge in this area allow me to do/or not to do? Breathe in and breathe out, close your eyes and tell yourself: I am fine. With all that is on my plate I am doing my best. Finally, do not forget that your best today is not your best of tomorrow.

Silence has many facets. It can hang heavily in the air after an argument. It might leave you out and hurt when somebody stonewalls you. Silence can be present when you do not know what to say but also when you know what to say but do not want to.  Sometimes silence simply is because there is not much to say. Silence occurs in conversation between people who understand each other without words. Silence enters the place after making love.  Silence accompanies you when you walk alone in nature. Silence envelopes you on a busy street when your thoughts stop racing and you see only the movements of limbs like in a time-lapse video. Silence strikes you in an act of admiration of beauty in general. Your eyes observe the admired object and you cannot utter a sound. Silence can fill the space and time but also empty your head, heart and soul. It can bring you joy and sorrow. It can make you indifferent. It can force you to act. It can discourage you to get closer. It can be punishing but also rewarding. It might say nothing or everything. It can lead to interpretations and also misinterpretations. Silence Silence can heal. Silence is peace but also war. It makes you listen more. It might force you to shout. It may silence you as well. You can dwell in it or run from it. You can search silence desperately and then hate it immensely. You might want to establish it and then to break it. Sometimes we desire to silence others, sometimes ourselves. Often silence has a meaning, though different for each of us. We attribute to it emotions, actions or non-actions, intentions, gravity, colour, sound, feelings, perceptions. We label silence as we label everything else. Silence created by a person has often a protective function which does not exclude that it might hurt another person. We´d better think about silence and “use” it wisely so we can love its sound as we love the song by Simon & Garfunkel. For silence has a power maybe even stronger than words.

End of school year is a relief for many parents – no more homework to check, activities to drive to, following school emails and newsletters. And yet, many parents have been already planning the long 2 month summer vacations for their offspring well in advance. Summer camps, students jobs, the accommodation for fresh university entrants need to be secured well in advance. The family holidays maybe even sooner. If not, we are running out of options, the prices get astronomical and so our blood pressure values. Each time we hit the search button on internet we have countless options where to go but also where not to go – floods, fires, too many tourists, rising temperatures, strikes at the airports. But we still search for the paradise, although the paradise has long been lost. There are too many of us searching for calmness away from daily life that we often make frantic ourselves. Supposedly we have made our plans, booked the trip(s) and we feel excited, now anticipating the weather conditions, checking what could we do or see or whom to pay a visit. We plan every day, every detail, trying to accommodate all family members and at the same time sensing that we can burn, not only from the sun exposure but burn out from too many expectations. 1.        It is good to be prepared – to know a little bit about the place, surroundings, cultural habits, daily rhythm. But let´s not overdo it. The disappointment comes always from too many expectations. Allow for imperfections  – in the hotel, apartment, in the quality of food, services, weather, transport, time in queues, mood of your co-travelers. Check your criticism tendency – am I complaining because something is really wrong (delayed flight but no info) or the criticism comes from the entitlement (I pay a lot for this restaurant so the waiter needs to be quick, not confuse my food with someone´s else's, cheerful and food impeccable)?   2.        Forget about FOMO  (fear of missing out). Yes, we come to a new destination that offers spectacular places, sights, cultural events to see. But we do not need to see it all. Often seeing all means running all the time, having tight schedules, especially when these days we are supposed to book museum visits for a specific time slot. Pick few highlights you want to visit and allow slow pace exploration. Afterwards stop in nearby shops, hidden cafés, go in the streets with no „points of interest“ marked in the tourist guide.   3.        Be open for days of doing "nothing" or eventually let your companions not do something you really wish them they do with you. We have the tendency to think that other people share with us the same vision of leisure time, same passion for sports or art. This is more of a wishful thinking than reality. Learn to do alone the things that bring you energy during some days of your family holidays. Accept that for somebody recharging batteries means reading the whole day, or sipping caffe freddo at a bar watching the sunset.   4.        Holidays back in your home country? Everybody wants to see you – larger family, old friends and in between you want to squeeze theater or cinema outing? Again, you cannot have it all – to accommodate many people and at the same time to rest. Ask beforehand whether you really want to see someone or you feel it more as an obligation. The inner pressure that we are supposed to maintain old friendships and that we owe it to our families might be strong. Listen to your gut feeling and act out of love towards yourself. Saying no to one thing respectfully means saying yes to something else.  Maybe yourself.   We are all looking forward to summer holidays. We speculate often that it is because we need a break from our work, kids´ school routine, we need sun and mountains or seaside. But if we sit in a quiet place, just with our breath and closed eyes and we picture summer time, often those images, smells, feelings, atmosphere that open up in our mind are connected to moments of calm, presence, freedom, warmth, cheerfulness, lightness of being. We have all experienced that when we were children, adolescents, young adults. Now, in order to not be exhausted at the end of summer, we can make these moments happen again but we need to slow down. We need to do less and expect less from others and ourselves. Maybe this year´s summer holiday can be the one that shifts our focus from doing it all to being fully present for sufficient time  at one place, with people we care about.   Then in September we may try to apply the experience to our everyday lives. Happy summer time.

overthinker We can not change the past, nor have a control over our future. And yet, many of us spend the majority of our time thinking about past events, conversations that did not turned out so well, the personal misfortunes, the relationships that were broken and would not be repaired, regrets of not having done certain things or worrying about our children, their future, our health, retirement money, losing our jobs, being fed up by our jobs or even by people we spend a significant time with. In our head there are countless stories we tell ourselves based on what we were told, what we are afraid of or ashamed or what we wish should happen or not happen. Overthinking is a protective mechanism - it gives us false feeling that we control or predict the situations. Yet, constant overthinking leads to tiredness because all energy is used to avoid problems. Moreover the multiple options that emerge out of it can lead to decision paralysis. Rumination causes raise of cortisol level. Short release of cortisol in dangerous situations is useful so we can run out of them. However, when its levels are too high for a longer period it causes weight gain, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, insomnia or difficulty sleeping and irritability. Add to it headaches, excessive worry, self-blame and you end up with a poor mental health. Clients often come with the question why they cannot tame their thoughts, negativity, self-criticism when they know it is dragging them down. So, how to tame overthinking? The answer is quite simple: to tame our overthinking we cannot fight against our thoughts. Close your eyes and imagine a nice box of chocolates, the variety, the thought of the different flavours, which one will you pick first, how will it melt in your mouth, the feeling on your palate. Now stop thinking about the chocolate, think about something else. It is almost impossible on a command, abruptly stop thinking about something. What we need to learn is to observe the thoughts as they come without judgment. Accepting every single thought, imagining that we are just flipping pages of a book. This can become a regular mindful exercise - letting the different thoughts come and go. Another useful technique is to turn our attention to the breath . Abdominal or diaphragmatic breathing allows us to use our lungs at 100% capacity to increase lung efficiency. It also has positive effect on our autonomic nervous system ( a network of nerves throughout our body that control unconscious processes) and thus hart rate and blood pressure. During deep abdominal breathing, we oxygenate our blood and trigger the release of endorphins, while also decreasing the release of stress hormones. When we concentrate on breathing we are in our bodies not in our heads. Practice it at least 3 times a day for 5-10 minutes. Embrace your inner critique. Have you noticed that voice - the one that tells you either that you are stupid, or clumsy, or weak, not good enough, not pretty, fat, less fortunate, not safe? His intentions are good - it wants to protect us from danger, rejection, failure. It adopts often the phrases we heard from our not well intention-ed parents, teachers, siblings or peers in the past. Of course its approach is disastrous as it originates from fear. Again, awareness is the key. Catch yourself the next time you feel anxious, distracted, avoidant or numb. Identify the voice of the inner critique. What was the situation that triggered it? The inner critique wants to help you to feel in control. What are you afraid of? What is deeper - what are the most vulnerable feelings about the situation? What is it that you really need to hear? Talk to the inner critique. For example: I understand that you are afraid that I would never be able to move forward and will be stuck forever. I hear you, you do not need to talk to me in this way. It prevents me to think positively and continue with little steps. What I really need... Change your daily routine. If your mind is restless, you feel overwhelmed from the early morning, you worry about your upcoming schedule and tasks. Slow down. Open the window, look at the nature, do a couple of stretching exercises, turn to your belly breathing. Feel the energy flowing in your body. With each inhale say aloud: I am fine. With each exhale make a loud sound and say aloud: I am letting go my tensions and worries. Mastering our minds is a daily work in progress. It does not help that we read about it, that we understand it with our rational mind. In order to feel the change we need to practice so that we can directly influence our parasympathetic nervous system (with its help our body enters a state of relaxation, and this relaxation breeds recovery.) With the regular practice come slowly the results - more peaceful outlook towards future, not too much expectations, gratitude for what is, fulfillment from being rather than doing, compassion towards people, forgiveness of past hurts. It is worth all our endeavors because as Eckhart Tolle puts it: ".... the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life."

highly sensitive teen by Anatoliy Karlyuk Have you known that around 15-20% of people in a particular group are highly sensitive? Easily overwhelmed by loud sounds, bright lights, crowded spaces or too many activities? Easily bruised, feeling pain more intensely, fatigued quickly, feeling completely down when criticised? Stronger side effects to medications? Perfectionist, aesthetics matters a lot. Vivid imagination, close connection to nature, art, creative process? High sensitivity, when understood and tended well, has many advantages: an eye for detail, stronger empathy, creativity, sunny nature, great and deep relationships, loyalty. These qualities are highly valued in personal relationships but also in some professions. If this speaks to you and you recognize your teenager in the above description then here are some tips on how to help highly sensitive teenagers to feel well. 1.        They need to know that we believe them and in them. No matter how hard it is for you to believe in their pain, fear, stress level - trust them. Find the right balance between encouragement and pushing over their limits. Respect their decisions not to do  something. Negotiate when and what they can try new, less comfortable in order they get used to stepping out of their comfort zone. 2.        They need extra rest. Contrary to their peers they need to rest more. This need is partly due to the hormonal changes in adolescence but is also linked with the over-stimulation of their nervous system. Let them stay at home if they prefer to, provide enough breaks during the week between extracurricular activities. When they are younger, they may not be aware they need resting, so you need to introduce it gently into the routine. (This of course requires that you are perfectly fine with missing out on things, events, meet-ups, even opportunities.) 3.        They need alone time. Do not panic if they seek to be alone more than often. Just remember how they used to play when they were little-probably retreating into a corner or to their room more often than their siblings or peers. It is vital for their nervous system to calm down. 4.        They need time to create. Maybe you think they should concentrate more on studying or actively moving outside. Let them to create as much as they need. It is not waste of time but rather stabilising activity. 5.        They need very quiet environment to be able to study. They can be easily distracted by noises - loud talking, hoovering, younger sibling running and shouting around. If possible, clear the space or allow them to use headphones. If they want to retreat into a library, let them go, setting aside fear that they will chat with friends instead of studying. Sometimes both can be a good mix while prepping for the exams. 6.        Encourage them to learn breathing techniques, relaxation methods, mindfulness techniques, yoga practices, connecting with nature.     High sensitivity is genetic; it is a neural trait and has both advantages and disadvantages. It requires positive parenting in childhood and adolescence or re-parenting oneself if during the childhood our feelings, experience of world was not accepted. Any effort to change, diminish, mock the feelings and perception of the reality from parents, siblings, peers or teachers can have detrimental effect on self-esteem and overall development. Therefore, in order that highly sensitive teens feel well, they need to have a solid knowledge on how the nervous system can get over - aroused and to learn early on how to self-regulate. If this awareness and life adjustments are not put in place, young adults lose ground under their feet and the agency to lead fulfilling lives. Often, unconsciously they may run into exhaustion, dissatisfaction, self-blame and shame. The way forward is to familiarise oneself with high sensitivity, adjusting family/school atmosphere, expectations, learning to rest as a family, letting go of control and fears about teenagers that are often our projections. Second step is t o learn calming and grounding techniques that can be useful in periods of elevated stress, such as testing, exams, big celebrations, new ventures etc. If you liked the blog, leave me a comment, I will be happy to be reading from you and answering eventual questions.

A couple of years ago I started to bump on posts on Facebook promoting supplements for perimenopause. Maybe the algorithm considered my age or I had been reading something related previously. The supplements promised everything - smooth skin, supple joints, libido back, no sweating, no weight gain, no hair loss but above all HAPPINESS. Who does not want all that in a pill? I am not a person who buys in easy solutions so I started to familiarise myself with the problematics. I read a very accurate article from a fellow expat - a journalist Sarita Muldoon, with a zest of black humour about this period that sometimes hits us unprepared. If I remember well, she called it "Menopause is no joke." She wrote about the emotional ups and downs, vasomotor symptoms such as night sweats and hot flushes during the day. She also mentioned "a brain fog" that I found scary since in my family runs Alzheimer´s disease. But most of all she also mentioned a support group online run by great volunteers in my second home country. I joined, of course, thinking curiosity may kill the cat but I would surely come out empowered from all the knowledge I gather. At the same time, I came across an article in a Slovak women's journal. It was an interview with an ex pharmacologist who left the industry and started to work on awareness for perimenopausal and menopausal women. In the meantime Leila Zajac´s work and business thrives, she gives talks at conferences, provides workshops in companies and does also one to one counseling. She is not only knowledgeable but also a very empathetic, sensitive and down-to earth person. I believe in women´s circles so I also connected with older women to ask how it went for them. As the time passed I had a serious accident, operation, months of pain issues, frozen shoulder on top of all that misfortune. Since I knew already that low estrogen levels influence also muscle function and joints I gave it a go to HRT - an abreviation for hormonal replacement therapy. Long story short, again not an easy and straightforward journey. You need to test on your own what dose of body-identical estrogen is best for your symptoms. Since mine were connected to bones and ligaments it has not been easy to see and feel immediate benefits. Body-identical progesterone seemed a life saver at first - I started to sleep like a baby. Over the time I connected more dots and I know that my sleep is heavily influenced by pain level, agitation during the day and what I drink and eat in the evening. As useful as it is to learn to navigate the symptoms of perimenopause, pros and cons of HRT, some benefits of not scientifically proved supplements, explore new nutritional pathways, not less of a value, attention and intention should be put into exploring our own inner world. It is maybe the time to evaluate our automatic functioning. Some women tend to run from one activity to another - from household chores to parties, family visits, extra curricula activities of their children and zumba classes. Some are used to picking up kids, help them with homework and wait their busy spouse with a good dinner. Some organise all doctor appointments and birthday parties of their kids. Some buy all Christmas presents for extended family. Others plan holiday trips, have overview of all clothes that are too small and need to be replaced. A few advise their hubbies what to wear for what occasion. All of us simply care and think about many people. Not only logistically but also emotionally. In fact, many of us do all of these things on top of our jobs without even taking a credit, without thinking of it as something special. Though, if you write it down, it seems like an exhaustive job description of a post of an event manager, executive assistant, culinary chef to name a few. Single women without families may face different challenges. They may feel lonely, useless, without meaning, purpose in life. They may invest all their energy into career, work till exhaustion, cover negative emotions by excessive shopping or even alcohol drinking. Did you know that there is a tendency to increase alcohol consumption during menopause? Perimenopause that can occur at whatever age beyond 40 (in rare cases it can be earlier) is the ideal time to ask essential questions. Do I need to do all that I planned? Can I outsource some things? Can I shift the responsibility? What brings me joy, fulfillment? How do I feel with my best friends? Is my intimate relationship what I want it to be like? Eventual tensions, triggers I feel, are they about "the other" or about me? Sometimes it is a thorough process, especially if we were used to base our own value on action, delivery, usefulness (whether real or imaginary). It is not easy if we were regularly putting on mask of an independent, strong woman that manages everything on her own. It is not easy to come to terms with facial and bodily changes in the culture that constantly promotes youthful appearance as the ideal of beauty. It is difficult if at the same time as our energy drops we deal with elderly dependent parents, dying relatives, adolescents who rebel more than we expected. It is painful if at the same time we go through separation, divorce. It is equally painful if we deal with an onset of chronic illness or a major injury. Therefore, I am cautious as to name this period a blessing, illumination or new wind of ideas, or a new love life era. I see it more as time for a good pause, time we need to spend on reflecting, writing down our feelings, emotions, ideas, sorrows, past hurts, plans for future. Maybe it is the right time to re-connect with our mothers or older female friends and colleagues. Time for sharing, time for letting go, time for no pressure, time to discover how we want to continue without that critical inner voice of our caregivers. In the internet era, where there is too much of information on every subject, choose wisely your sources. Choose wisely also your friends - the ones who never experienced a trouble are most probably those who are completely horrified to admit to themselves that life is sometimes tough. Choose wisely how you spend your free time. Sometimes sitting on a bench is just fine. It could seem that all our transitional periods are a race of who knows what and who knows better till who copes the best. It is not true. If you feel overwhelmed, contact a professional, whether it is a gynecologist, psychotherapist, somatic practitioner, life coach or a hormonal yoga teacher. Perimenopause is really a pause, use it, take advantage of it, enjoy it. According to North American Menopause Society, over 1 billion women around the world will have experienced perimenopause by 2025. That is more than enough not to feel alone. Further resources: Luxembourg : Facebook: Lux (peri)menopause support - a private group you can join as a private person Menopause clinic within CHL: https://maternite.chl.lu/fr/service/clinique-de-la-menopause Slovakia: https://vsetkoomenopauze.sk/ Great Britain: https://www.balance-menopause.com/

Contrary to all the hype around the body esthetics throughout our youth and even more as we age there is little talking about how we treat it when we are healthy and even less so when we get ill. In fact most of us consider our body as a very reliable machine with specific parameters of functioning when we work, exercise, walk and even when we make love. It is not exceptional to hear people talking proudly about how little they sleep, and still perform well at workplace. Or, how they endure small or bigger tears and wears of the knee, ankle, lower back, pelvic floor muscles etc. Yet, they are proud to be running marathons, cycling, playing football, jumping at zumba class and pushing the pain, or discomfort away. To feel strong, beautiful, to keep the pace with others or with our younger selves. Eventually, we consider surgical interventions to be able to come back as fit as before, as powerful, performant. Well, there´s a hero in all of us. The modern western medicine comforts us in believing that for all ailments there is a cure either in the form of a pill or a surgery. (We must admit that there is a progress, although slow, to put the preventative measures, healthy lifestyle among the priorities of healthcare systems.) However, there are times when we need to slow down, be patient and let the body time to recover, not pushing its limits. As an antidote to the prevalence of body targeting therapies, all sorts of psychosomatic approaches were born. They claim that all physical troubles come from our memory of past hurts, abuse, trauma. We can easily google what symbolises our back pain, migraine, tick in the eye, digestive problems and more. They come with the promise that if we meditate, participate in various retreats, care for our soul enough, we will liberate our mind and our body will heal. However, slaying the dragon even in a fairy-tale is never a simple process. It is less about the physical power or clear, free mind but more about understanding the obstacle and how to overcome it with the right mixture of physical strength and solid mindset. That is a correct understanding of psychosomatics - not as a healing method but more of a context for the illness. Psychosomatics talks always harmony, therefore if we are struggling with a major injury, chronic illness or cancer - meditation, practicing mindfulness, prayer will obviously not be the only cure. Similarly, when we have depression or are grieving a major loss in life, spending hours in a fitness room will not be the only cure either. In order to navigate well during the times of ill health we need to stop looking for causality. That is the way we are conditioned. Just remember your caregivers´ words: "If you were wearing a hat you would not be sick, if you were not running when I said slowly you would not break your knee. If you studied enough, you would not be stressed." When the reality was most probably more complex - your immune system could have been weakened because of parental disputes. The obstacle that might have caused your fall was never there before, or you did not spot it because of trouble with the sight. You studied a lot but you fear you do not remember it all. So when we are physically or mentally ill or grieving or in burn-out, we need to take care of our self talk. No blaming, no harsh words. Practicing gentle, supporting talk as if we were talking to our child or a best friend is crucial. We need to be actively looking for what brings us joy, or if not joy, at least peace. It could be simple things such as watching funny movies (yes, laughter heals). If we have enough strength then going for a walk (yes, movement heals), allowing pleasurable sensations in the form of a massage (yes, touch heals) are good options. Maybe resting in a bed is all we need. In other words, instead of looking for causality, we need to look for harmony . By doing so we do not invest our precious energy that remains into overthinking but into renewing our lost force. We need to stop working hard on achieving our ideal state of health. It is understandable that we do not want to suffer. We want to get rid of pain as quickly as possible. However, sometimes it is not straightforward. Sometimes it is a long process. And sometimes it is even not possible at all. I remember one of my clients telling me: "I want to learn to meditate. There are people out there who say it changed their lives completely." Fair enough, stepping into the world of meditation can be a journey towards knowing better one self, be in connection with the body, mind and soul. It can be a true life saver for some. But equally there are people for whom it brings a change only after years and years of practice. That change is rather happening in little steps than in one major enlightenment event. Real life changes occur after certain time and the work done on internal as well as external level. I also remember myself after the injury I had last year. I worked rigorously on all fronts - physiotherapy, acupuncture, visualisation, meditation, journalling, osteopathy, creams, aromatherapy, supplements etc. The pain was still there after many months and then came the blame talk: you are doing still not enough, maybe you have the wrong mindset, then later - you should have done less. It could go on and on. We need to pause, let go, let the illness, injury, mental state just be for what it is for the moment. In truth we want to have it under control but there are times we do our best, we do enough and the nature just goes in different direction. It is not fair but fighting it exhausts our minds and bodies. Healing needs time. Successful healing does not necessarily mean we will be the same as before. Shifting the focus from what is miserable, not working towards even the smallest things that are good, happy, joyful is the key. Trust the process. We need to remind our relatives and friends what we need and what is not helpful at all. When we are not well almost everybody comes up with a great idea how we could cope. They have not bad intentions. Sometimes they think they experienced a similar problem and could give us a good advice. Sometimes they just want us to heal quickly because they feel very uncomfortable around any suffering. It reminds them of their own vulnerability, potential troubles they may experience in life, even fear about their own fragility and death in the end. Still we can and should express openly what it is we really need. Maybe we need an ear that listens to our worries, maybe we need a hug, maybe we need a practical help. Advice is only advice if it is wanted, otherwise it is manipulation or even violence. Love yourself. Easier said than done. Because we think we do, when all is fine. We love the weather even though it rains, we love the people around even if they are annoying, we love our jobs even though they involve boring tasks. But once something goes wrong we can catch ourselves off guard and rewind and ask: what were my first words? (how stupid of me, how naive I was, how clumsy, I should have known better...). The best way to start practicing is right now with every little misfortune, failure, unsuccessful event, heated conversation. Repetition makes the master. Later on, when the hell opens either in a form of injury, chronic illness, mental breakdown, divorce, loss of a relative we will know how to stay above water. Not by slamming with all force our feet and arms but by floating in the water with calm mind. Trusting our body and soul.

As our society ages the topic of healthy ageing is prominent. From advice on healthy diet, regular exercise, solid social interactions, building of networks oriented to medical, computer based assistance in remote rural areas - the list is endless. The lack of solutions for particular situations we or our relatives might end up in as we age is equally endless e.g. lack of mental health support, palliative care, social assistance services, carers´ rights among many others. Alzheimer´s disease is a neurodegenerative brain disease characterized by progressive cognitive decline leading to the need for complete care. According to Alzheimer Europe it is estimated that 9,8 million people in Europe (2019) alone already live with Alzheimer’s disease with a projection of the number increasing to 14 million by 2030. Most patients remain in a home care, the main carer being their spouse, child or other relative. Not all European countries provide specialized carer training as you can see in the table in European Dementia Monitor 2020. Therefore, if you are a carer it is of great help to look up for guidance offered by expert organisations on internet or read relevant books on the topic. One of the most important things to have in mind and in place is the support in this role whether it is psychological or other well-being formal or informal support. This is necessary in order to be able to process feelings of helplessness, guilt, sadness, anger that are common and normal. This support network will help you also to reach the decision to transfer the responsibility of caring in case of your own illness, exhaustion or other circumstances no more compatible with the health state of Alzheimer´s patient. I would like to cover a few tips that may help you to communicate better with your Alzheimer´s relative and create a loving relationship despite the many setbacks this illness brings into play. If you do activities and brain exercises with your loved one do them in moderation. They should stimulate and not be a heavy drill. Remember the time you cared for a child, every activity was a discovery, fun to do. Keep this perspective. You can activate the person with small tasks according to their abilities. They may confuse things or do them in a wrong way. Do not correct and explain lengthily how it should be done. The result is not important, doing is what counts. Do not argue, for example if they tell you they have not eaten for days or that nobody came to see them. Offer them some snack if it is still not time for a meal, tell them that you are now there to keep them company. The chances are that as the illness develops the appetite may reduce (due to depression or loss of sensitivity in the taste buds). If that is the case make sure they eat regularly and are checked by the doctor for nutrients income and weigh balance. Do not cross check with questions: Do you remember when we were there together? Do you recognize uncle Tom? - just name situations and people. As the illness progresses, the words are losing meaning for the person. Not only they do not recover the right words, they also name things randomly so their message is often not understandable. This is obviously hard but again recall the small child, what helps to understand them? Holding a hand, asking to show things or lead you to a place, pointing at things, bringing several things to choose from, if upset giving hugs. Contain your own urgency to speak and explain. We may feel obliged to fill in the void when words are lost but our presence is in the physical presence as much as the mental. The fact that we are there with the patient, drinking coffee or tea is often enough. If the person is comfortable with animals and they do not have a pet, bring them to a place with animals - cat cafe, animal farm, simply walk through a village nearby where are hens in yards. Walk with the person regularly, moving is important for muscle maintenance but also brain health and immunity. Green areas are the best. Alzheimer´ s patients often lose sense of smell, taste, the damage of the brain impacts its ability to interpret images. Sensory stimulation is of a great help. If you know what the person liked before the onset of Alzheimer´s you can effectively use it in order to evoke positive memories and feelings. For example, if they liked baking - you can use containers of vanilla powder, cinnamon, nutmeg to smell it, put a flour into a bowl and let the person play with it. If the person used to do handiwork, let them play with wooden not sharp things or paint pebbles. If they liked a water element, bring them close to water or install a little fountain so they can listen to the trickling of water. Play them music they used to listen to. Offer them a gentle massage. Sensory stimulation can help you relate to each other and enjoy quality time together. Alzheimer´s disease currently does not have any cure. There is still inadequate understanding of the complex pathophysiology of Alzheimer´s disease, which may necessitate combination of treatments. Informal carers play a crucial role in accompanying Alzheimer´s patients and yet many countries lack a proper trainings, financial support, payed leaves in order to make the life of carers a little bit easier. If you are a carer, take care, do not do this alone. Maybe your loved one will not tell you "Thank you" but you know you deserve it.

When dealing with chronic pain time is our ally. We live in a fast-running world oriented on functioning and performing on all fronts, and so when body aches we are looking for a fast remedy. On the healing journey we need patience and sometimes significant adjustments to our life style. Pain is sensorially and emotionally unpleasant experience to the tissue damage. If it lasts for more than 3 months it is considered to be chronic. Chronic pain is not only a personal problem but a global one. It is an illness on its own with huge impact on individual life and consequently on the society. The lost working days have a great impact on economy but also on patients´ lives. A chronic pain patient might feel isolated, useless, a burden to the family. While being on sick leave and preoccupied with the ailments they may lose the vital source of energy that comes from participating in leisure activities and socialising. The elderly who are not obliged to work may suffer even more from isolation due to the pain issues and reduced mobility. There is underlying psychological distress that often comes hand in hand with the significance of the diagnosis (I have serious condition, I am too young for this, the operation will not help, I have terminal condition). Chronic pain attacks our integrity and, in a way, separates us from the others - healthy colleagues, healthy friends or a spouse who cannot fully grasp our suffering. It not only reflects the present suffering but often goes back to the past - what pain we have already endured, how have we been helped, what were the circumstances? In addition, it projects us to the future – will it ever disappear, what influence will it have on my private, professional life, what limits do I need to accept? It is a reflex to get rid of the pain as quickly as possible. To cool down a burn, an insect bite, to rub in a cream into sore neck, to take a painkiller, get involved in physiotherapy. All of these can be applied when suffering from chronic pain, however it is only one part of the toolbox. Sadly often the only one we have at hand, proposed by the general practitioner or the specialist. We tend to run to see the doctors and they tend to prescribe us more and different painkillers, more physiotherapy sessions and if applicable with persistent pain linked to tissue damage a surgery. We are running in circles mostly because we focus on returning to the point of departure, we want to be as before. The pitfall is that our focus is on the past, the comparison of something we perceive as an ideal status as opposed to the unacceptable status. We are in constant alert mode, fighting the sensation of pain, the image of pain (a physically impaired person, not-so-well functioning person, sick person) the negative emotions such as sadness or anger and often struggle with our behaviour - irritability, loss of trust, wining attitude, victim-hood etc. All of this comes from non-acceptance of the pain. So how to accept and befriend the chronic pain and stop fighting it? Observe the pain as it is, describe it for yourself - heavy, hot, tingling, pinching, pulsating, stabbing, sharp. Do not add a story to the current pain - don´t imagine it will never go away, don´t fantasise about being out of your job, not able to take care of your children, losing a partner or similar catastrophic scenarios. It is our mind that adds unnecessary layers to the actual pain. What works is to redirect the focus. You need to test several strategies that work for you - a brisk walk, a bath with aromatherapy, infra red light, relaxation music, gentle massage of the sore body part, breath work. You can try to attribute the pain one of the natural elements: water, fire, wind and visualise yourself extinguishing the fire (targeting the bodily part in pain), cooling or heating the water around the painful spot or imagining the pain being a strong wind slowly transforming into gentle and comforting breeze soothing your pain. Be aware of what makes your chronic pain worse. It can be stress at work, too many things on a plate, if you are a woman your hormonal cycle, perimenopause or menopause. It all comes to the ability to listen to our body and adjust our life rhythm. Take it easy, delegate, skip activities, learn to say no. It will happen that despite this awareness you will eventually run into clash of theory with reality. If that happens do not punish yourself with inner criticism - I should have known better, I knew I needed the rest. Instead focus on what can be done. Do I need to take a painkiller, muscle relaxant, other medicament, or just lie down and listen to calming music or all of that? Once the pain settles write down the lesson learned - you will be better prepared for the next time. It is possible that chronic pain is present all the time, although sometimes it is more prominent. Talk to your pain. "I know you are here, what can I do for you?" Be in physical contact with the part of your body that suffers, caress it, cry in compassion if you feel like it. Promise it you will take care of it. Then say to it you have other things to do and involve yourself with some pleasurable activity - reading, watching TV, playing a game. Why is befriending the pain important? The saying goes: What we resist persists. Therefore, learning to be with the pain, not ignoring it but on the other hand not to dedicate our entire focus on the pain is essential. If we do not count sequels of injuries or consequences of serious illness, with sedentary lifestyle or one-sided manual work and ageing we will all experience periods of pain and it is in our best interest to introduce preventative measures such as regular exercise and correct pain management into our lives in order to stay active as long as possible. When dealing with chronic pain time is our ally. We live in a fast-running world oriented on functioning and performing on all fronts, and so when body aches we are looking for a fast remedy. When painkillers are of no help, we might see a surgery as the only option how to become operational. Yet, it was proven by a comprehensive SPORT study that in the case of disc surgery the alleviation of pain is only short-term, i.e. significant immediately after the surgery but with no difference in a 2 year period when handled with conservative therapies. On the healing journey we need patience and sometimes significant adjustments to our life style. Chronic pain management is complex and calls for involvement of several specialists. Ideally you can find them under one roof in a pain clinic or you need to search on internet. Look for people who can prescribe you painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs, if the pain is debilitating you need an algesiology specialist, people who understand ergonomy at workplace, psychologists, body-mind therapists, acupuncturists, mindfulness coaches or hypnotherapists. The more tools you can use when managing your chronic pain the better. If interested in more data - the most comprehensive study to date on the prevalence of chronic pain in Europe dates back to 2006 (Breivik, Collett, Ventafridda, Cohen, and Gallacher) but uses data from early 2000s and does not include socioeconomic inequalities in pain prevalence. The more recent study from 2019 published in European Journal of Pain mentions back/neck pain as the most prevalent with 40% of survey participants experiencing pain; then hand/arm pain at 22%, and then foot/leg pain at 21%.

Adolescence is a crucial stage in personal and emotional development. Experts on mental health speak about critical period, since changes to hormones, body, social environment but also to brain and mind contribute to higher risk of developing mental disease. According to UNICEF, anxiety and depression make up to 40 per cent of mental disorders, self-harm is among the top causes of death of adolescents. It seems that for girls aged 15-19, suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death after tuberculosis and maternal conditions. Among other mental ailments appearing before the age of 24 are eating disorders, substance use, psychosis. Unfortunately, we do not grow out of mental health problems, we need to treat them. Early intervention is very important, therefore as parents we need to watch out for any warning signs. It is quite normal that teenagers have intense and fluctuating emotions, however excessive aggressiveness, anxiety, worries that get in the way of usual daily functioning need attention. Similarly, loss of appetite or on the contrary overeating, poor sleep, frequent physical complains (somatisation), persistent negativity, poor grades in school despite effort, use of alcohol and drugs signal that our child needs extra support or even support of a specialist. In order to be able to navigate well in the complexity of life in between childhood and adulthood it is of paramount importance that teens learn not only the problem solving and interpersonal skills, but also how to regulate emotions and manage stress in healthy ways. Here are 6 tips how parents can help their teens to boost mental resilience: Listen. Without the imminent urge to react, comment, advise, criticise, correct or judge. Active listening makes people to trust us, to be able to be vulnerable with us and open up about their feelings. Most of us do not need advice but the loving presence. Show interest about their life - their inner life, friendships, feelings of success or disappointment. Be careful and try not to engage in gossip. There should be a clear boundary between intimate lives of adults and intimate lives of nearly adult children. Talk openly about emotions. Do not dissimulate if you are sad or angry. There is nothing worse than pretending you feel otherwise than you really feel. Do not diminish negative feelings - this would be giving signals that they are not appropriate. Say that you feel sad and that you need time to settle. Do not elaborate the reasons, it is not always necessary to explain details of a fight with your partner or what your colleague did or said that made you angry. Offer healthy food and insist on sports activity. Healthy nutrition impacts greatly our mood but teens love junk food. It is the time when they go to town to hang out around fries and burger and a bottle of coke, or two. Make peace with it, check from time to time whether they do not overuse soft or energy drinks but do not be obsessed too much about healthy food. Offer a balanced diet at home, bake only on special occasions, avoid fried food and heavy creamy sauces. Insist at least on one sports activity, teenagers, especially girls have the tendency to drop spontaneous play outside. Movement is essential for oxygenation of brain, boosting of immunity, strengthening of bones and muscles and influx of endorphins. Chances that you fall asleep earlier than your teenager are high. You may be half way to your dreams and suddenly have the impression that Bob the Builder became real and lives above your bedroom. Talk calmly about 22h evening policy that is in place in hotels because it is respectful. Explain the importance of at least 8-hour sleep for mental well-being. If they oversleep for school or sports training, do not run for help, let them bare the consequences. Do not use too stringent rules around social media usage. Parents worry about excessive time spent on screens. The truth is that there are more teenagers that need glasses than ever before. And blue light is the culprit. It makes sense to limit strictly screen time for younger kids. However, if your kid is over 15 you cannot talk to them in the same way as to the little ones. Show interest in how they spent time online, how do the apps, games, chat groups make them feel. Do they feel connected, empowered, informed? Or do they feel stressed, compare themselves, have negative opinion about their appearance? Show them that they are in control of what and how long they consume the internet. You are the best example, speak about blocking suspicious people, installing time tracker of social media usage, your time without phone etc. Praise their efforts not results. In this way you are showing them that what matters is their own way and pace towards improvement, acquisition of knowledge and development of their talents. They will have periods of laziness and lack of motivation, this is also something parents need to accept. Usually adults who are pushing themselves to be always productive also in their free time learned to derive their worthiness from tangible results. Just being, waking up, breathing and sitting is enough. If we are always running around doing something we are not present for the closest people in our lives. Mentally healthy teenagers enjoy their lives, get involved in social interactions, have appetite, sense of achievement, bounce back easily from disappointment and can relax. Our role as parents is now in the background, friends count more, but we are the solid base, the haven of peace. If the adolescents feel validated and welcome even with their shadow side they will likely not hesitate to open up when in trouble. On the other hand, good mental health is a complex phenomenon influenced also by genetics, environmental factors (marginalized community, growing up in big cities), chronic illness, bullying at school, abuse, peer pressure. Therefore our parental skills and good-will may not always be enough. Hopefully, the lessening of stigma around mental illness or simply mental instability in certain periods of life in recent years allows us all to be more open and free to reach out for professional help.

Half a year ago I started to learn Tai Chi. I thought that it was due to the Facebook post of Confucius Institute at the University of Luxembourg I saw and got curious but more I think the more I have the feeling that the post was only the materialized finality of what I was looking for longer. Before, at the end of the summer I painted yin and yang symbol at the old chair. I was in transition, leaving my old job, having a dream about a new start in my head but no concrete plans. The ultimate goal was to find a purpose and an equilibrium. I did not look up what exactly Tai Chi was, but I knew that the teacher was a Chinese. This somehow reassured me that he would not be somebody who did a crash course on martial art and now leads a training course. After a couple of lessons I texted to a friend of mine to tell him I was learning Tai Chi. He immediately called back, because the very morning he was looking into the book on this martial art. Then he elaborated that the teacher had to be at least 6 decades old to be able to transmit the art properly and I argued that four would be enough. By the time you are over 40, you have had solid experience in a career, love life and reached almost perfection in one or two hobbies. After initial excitement of my new discovery came the shock. 74 movements in one so called form. Hands doing one thing, legs another, hips move in the shape of infinite, lower body flexible, upper body straight, balance is the key. Eyes follow the direction of hands but also check the periphery, ears listen carefully what is happening behind. Arms never form a rectangular shape, punching is fast but muscles must relax quickly, there is rhythm and flow and elegance....once you master the form. While trying to learn Tai Chi, I learned some extra lessons useful for everyday life. Forget about the future outcomes, enjoy the process. Being new on a learning path, setting goals? You have the exact idea how the teacher should be. What you could or should already be able to do in a couple of lessons. The ideal speed of your progress. What the accomplishment means to you. How you will present it to others. All this creates useless expectations, pressure and eventual disappointment. Do not let the focus on the results take away the joy of the process. Forget about in-depth analysis and understanding of things you need to do in order to move forward. Initially I tried to observe and memorise the movements as words of a poem. It did not work. Then I tried to find a logic of the direction, shifting of weight and accompanying hand moves. It did not work either. Then I let it go and listened more the body and repeated many times the same moves. The muscles do the remembering not the head. Similarly in adult life you need to learn to listen to your bodily sensations, where your energy rises and where it dies out. You do not need to understand everything in detail. Constant analysis of the technique of walking will not help you to move a step forward. You need to step. Do not use excuses if you did not do what you were supposed to do. You could not come to a training lesson? You did not have time to practice in between the sessions? The teacher has never been interested about the whys. The consequence was not remembering, not being able to learn new steps. In life whatever you want to do for yourself or others, be it a favour, spending time together, learning new things, loving each other either you do (it) or not. Explaining why it has not been possible serves to your ego to feel better, and even the ego knows that excuses are usually lame. Let go of perfection. Do not compare yourself with others but with yourself of yesterday. As it still happens to me, I was looking around myself and of course I saw that there are faster learners. I already saw natural talents and winners of Tai Chi local competition. I already saw myself not passing to intermediate level and thinking whether it would be worth to repeat the beginners´ level. This can happen anytime to anybody for various reasons. Either you were constantly compared as a child, you were in a highly competitive classrooms or were a member of a sports team. Forget about the past, what matters is your individual improvement in your own pace. In order to achieve balance you need to train balance. Tai Chi is about balance. It comes with training, with feeling wobbly many times, with correcting your posture, with stepping more carefully. We look for work-life balance, for equilibrium as if it was a winning prize at the end of our constant battle between two things. Work and life, work and family, the boss and the spouse. Yet, the balance is achieved only with the correction of missteps right at the moment. Not after dozens of lessons. If you do not know how to continue, connect with familiar. When your muscle memory is weak, in other words, you do not know what to do next, you need to do a circle, to connect one movement with the next one. Circular movements are key in Tai Chi. Circles have no stops and no starts, there is no segmentation or disconnection in a circle. Make sure you have your "circle"in your life. Family, friends, rituals, pets, journaling, listening to music, walks in the nature. Once stuck, out of equilibrium, connect with your circle, it will allow you to continue. Do not judge yourself, be kind to yourself. I was and am still impatient and self critical, wanting to be different - if only I could follow the mirror version and not to mess up. Wanting to be something else than you are right now means you are not accepting your limits. Everybody has limits. Acceptance of own limits (without fatalistic tendencies that change is impossible) allows us to be more patient and kind also with others. Learn the form, forget the form. Once you learn the form - the sequence of movements in Tai Chi, you do not need it anymore. You would be able to combine your movements freely but abiding to the principles. It reminds me of the Biblical "the Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath." In other words the form is there to help you, not to burden you. As everything in life, any rule, moral principle, noble goals are there to help us to be the best version of ourselves, not to become dependent, narrow-minded followers of ideal formal scheme or narrative. Tai chi short for Tai chi ch'üan is an internal Chinese martial art practiced for defense training, health benefits and meditation. Tai Chi also draws on Chinese theories of the body, particularly Daoist internal alchemy teachings on Qi (vital energy). To learn more about health benefits of Tai Chi read: https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/the-health-benefits-of-tai-chi https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/tai-chi-what-you-need-to-know https://www.prevention.com/fitness/a36888559/tai-chi-health-benefits/