A couple of years ago I started to bump on posts on Facebook promoting supplements for perimenopause. Maybe the algorithm considered my age or I had been reading something related previously. The supplements promised everything - smooth skin, supple joints, libido back, no sweating, no weight gain, no hair loss but above all HAPPINESS. Who does not want all that in a pill?
I am not a person who buys in easy solutions so I started to familiarise myself with the problematics. I read a very accurate article from a fellow expat - a journalist Sarita Muldoon, with a zest of black humour about this period that sometimes hits us unprepared. If I remember well, she called it "Menopause is no joke." She wrote about the emotional ups and downs, vasomotor symptoms such as night sweats and hot flushes during the day. She also mentioned "a brain fog" that I found scary since in my family runs Alzheimer´s disease. But most of all she also mentioned a support group online run by great volunteers in my second home country. I joined, of course, thinking curiosity may kill the cat but I would surely come out empowered from all the knowledge I gather. At the same time, I came across an article in a Slovak women's journal. It was an interview with an ex pharmacologist who left the industry and started to work on awareness for perimenopausal and menopausal women. In the meantime Leila Zajac´s work and business thrives, she gives talks at conferences, provides workshops in companies and does also one to one counseling. She is not only knowledgeable but also a very empathetic, sensitive and down-to earth person.
I believe in women´s circles so I also connected with older women to ask how it went for them. As the time passed I had a serious accident, operation, months of pain issues, frozen shoulder on top of all that misfortune. Since I knew already that low estrogen levels influence also muscle function and joints I gave it a go to HRT - an abreviation for hormonal replacement therapy. Long story short, again not an easy and straightforward journey. You need to test on your own what dose of body-identical estrogen is best for your symptoms. Since mine were connected to bones and ligaments it has not been easy to see and feel immediate benefits. Body-identical progesterone seemed a life saver at first - I started to sleep like a baby. Over the time I connected more dots and I know that my sleep is heavily influenced by pain level, agitation during the day and what I drink and eat in the evening.
As useful as it is to learn to navigate the symptoms of perimenopause, pros and cons of HRT, some benefits of not scientifically proved supplements, explore new nutritional pathways, not less of a value, attention and intention should be put into exploring our own inner world.
It is maybe the time to evaluate our automatic functioning. Some women tend to run from one activity to another - from household chores to parties, family visits, extra curricula activities of their children and zumba classes. Some are used to picking up kids, help them with homework and wait their busy spouse with a good dinner. Some organise all doctor appointments and birthday parties of their kids. Some buy all Christmas presents for extended family. Others plan holiday trips, have overview of all clothes that are too small and need to be replaced. A few advise their hubbies what to wear for what occasion. All of us simply care and think about many people. Not only logistically but also emotionally. In fact, many of us do all of these things on top of our jobs without even taking a credit, without thinking of it as something special. Though, if you write it down, it seems like an exhaustive job description of a post of an event manager, executive assistant, culinary chef to name a few.
Single women without families may face different challenges. They may feel lonely, useless, without meaning, purpose in life. They may invest all their energy into career, work till exhaustion, cover negative emotions by excessive shopping or even alcohol drinking. Did you know that there is a tendency to increase alcohol consumption during menopause?
Perimenopause that can occur at whatever age beyond 40 (in rare cases it can be earlier) is the ideal time to ask essential questions. Do I need to do all that I planned? Can I outsource some things? Can I shift the responsibility? What brings me joy, fulfillment? How do I feel with my best friends? Is my intimate relationship what I want it to be like? Eventual tensions, triggers I feel, are they about "the other" or about me?
Sometimes it is a thorough process, especially if we were used to base our own value on action, delivery, usefulness (whether real or imaginary). It is not easy if we were regularly putting on mask of an independent, strong woman that manages everything on her own. It is not easy to come to terms with facial and bodily changes in the culture that constantly promotes youthful appearance as the ideal of beauty. It is difficult if at the same time as our energy drops we deal with elderly dependent parents, dying relatives, adolescents who rebel more than we expected. It is painful if at the same time we go through separation, divorce. It is equally painful if we deal with an onset of chronic illness or a major injury. Therefore, I am cautious as to name this period a blessing, illumination or new wind of ideas, or a new love life era. I see it more as time for a good pause, time we need to spend on reflecting, writing down our feelings, emotions, ideas, sorrows, past hurts, plans for future. Maybe it is the right time to re-connect with our mothers or older female friends and colleagues. Time for sharing, time for letting go, time for no pressure, time to discover how we want to continue without that critical inner voice of our caregivers.
In the internet era, where there is too much of information on every subject, choose wisely your sources. Choose wisely also your friends - the ones who never experienced a trouble are most probably those who are completely horrified to admit to themselves that life is sometimes tough. Choose wisely how you spend your free time. Sometimes sitting on a bench is just fine. It could seem that all our transitional periods are a race of who knows what and who knows better till who copes the best. It is not true. If you feel overwhelmed, contact a professional, whether it is a gynecologist, psychotherapist, somatic practitioner, life coach or a hormonal yoga teacher.
Perimenopause is really a pause, use it, take advantage of it, enjoy it. According to North American Menopause Society, over 1 billion women around the world will have experienced perimenopause by 2025. That is more than enough not to feel alone.
Further resources:
Luxembourg : Facebook: Lux (peri)menopause support - a private group you can join as a private person
Menopause clinic within CHL: https://maternite.chl.lu/fr/service/clinique-de-la-menopause
Slovakia: https://vsetkoomenopauze.sk/
Great Britain: British Menopause Society
Germany: Deutsche Menopause Gesellschaft
Comments