Contrary to all the hype around the body esthetics throughout our youth and even more as we age there is little talking about how we treat it when we are healthy and even less so when we get ill.
In fact most of us consider our body as a very reliable machine with specific parameters of functioning when we work, exercise, walk and even when we make love. It is not exceptional to hear people talking proudly about how little they sleep, and still perform well at workplace. Or, how they endure small or bigger tears and wears of the knee, ankle, lower back, pelvic floor muscles etc. Yet, they are proud to be running marathons, cycling, playing football, jumping at zumba class and pushing the pain, or discomfort away. To feel strong, beautiful, to keep the pace with others or with our younger selves.
Eventually, we consider surgical interventions to be able to come back as fit as before, as powerful, performant. Well, there´s a hero in all of us.
The modern western medicine comforts us in believing that for all ailments there is a cure either in the form of a pill or a surgery. (We must admit that there is a progress, although slow, to put the preventative measures, healthy lifestyle among the priorities of healthcare systems.) However, there are times when we need to slow down, be patient and let the body time to recover, not pushing its limits.
As an antidote to the prevalence of body targeting therapies, all sorts of psychosomatic approaches were born. They claim that all physical troubles come from our memory of past hurts, abuse, trauma. We can easily google what symbolises our back pain, migraine, tick in the eye, digestive problems and more. They come with the promise that if we meditate, participate in various retreats, care for our soul enough, we will liberate our mind and our body will heal.
However, slaying the dragon even in a fairy-tale is never a simple process. It is less about the physical power or clear, free mind but more about understanding the obstacle and how to overcome it with the right mixture of physical strength and solid mindset.
That is a correct understanding of psychosomatics - not as a healing method but more of a context for the illness. Psychosomatics talks always harmony, therefore if we are struggling with a major injury, chronic illness or cancer - meditation, practicing mindfulness, prayer will obviously not be the only cure. Similarly, when we have depression or are grieving a major loss in life, spending hours in a fitness room will not be the only cure either.
In order to navigate well during the times of ill health we need to stop looking for causality. That is the way we are conditioned. Just remember your caregivers´ words: "If you were wearing a hat you would not be sick, if you were not running when I said slowly you would not break your knee. If you studied enough, you would not be stressed." When the reality was most probably more complex - your immune system could have been weakened because of parental disputes. The obstacle that might have caused your fall was never there before, or you did not spot it because of trouble with the sight. You studied a lot but you fear you do not remember it all. So when we are physically or mentally ill or grieving or in burn-out, we need to take care of our self talk. No blaming, no harsh words. Practicing gentle, supporting talk as if we were talking to our child or a best friend is crucial.
We need to be actively looking for what brings us joy, or if not joy, at least peace. It could be simple things such as watching funny movies (yes, laughter heals). If we have enough strength then going for a walk (yes, movement heals), allowing pleasurable sensations in the form of a massage (yes, touch heals) are good options. Maybe resting in a bed is all we need. In other words, instead of looking for causality, we need to look for harmony. By doing so we do not invest our precious energy that remains into overthinking but into renewing our lost force.
We need to stop working hard on achieving our ideal state of health. It is understandable that we do not want to suffer. We want to get rid of pain as quickly as possible. However, sometimes it is not straightforward. Sometimes it is a long process. And sometimes it is even not possible at all. I remember one of my clients telling me: "I want to learn to meditate. There are people out there who say it changed their lives completely." Fair enough, stepping into the world of meditation can be a journey towards knowing better one self, be in connection with the body, mind and soul. It can be a true life saver for some. But equally there are people for whom it brings a change only after years and years of practice. That change is rather happening in little steps than in one major enlightenment event. Real life changes occur after certain time and the work done on internal as well as external level.
I also remember myself after the injury I had last year. I worked rigorously on all fronts - physiotherapy, acupuncture, visualisation, meditation, journalling, osteopathy, creams, aromatherapy, supplements etc. The pain was still there after many months and then came the blame talk: you are doing still not enough, maybe you have the wrong mindset, then later - you should have done less. It could go on and on. We need to pause, let go, let the illness, injury, mental state just be for what it is for the moment. In truth we want to have it under control but there are times we do our best, we do enough and the nature just goes in different direction. It is not fair but fighting it exhausts our minds and bodies. Healing needs time. Successful healing does not necessarily mean we will be the same as before. Shifting the focus from what is miserable, not working towards even the smallest things that are good, happy, joyful is the key. Trust the process.
We need to remind our relatives and friends what we need and what is not helpful at all.
When we are not well almost everybody comes up with a great idea how we could cope. They have not bad intentions. Sometimes they think they experienced a similar problem and could give us a good advice. Sometimes they just want us to heal quickly because they feel very uncomfortable around any suffering. It reminds them of their own vulnerability, potential troubles they may experience in life, even fear about their own fragility and death in the end. Still we can and should express openly what it is we really need. Maybe we need an ear that listens to our worries, maybe we need a hug, maybe we need a practical help. Advice is only advice if it is wanted, otherwise it is manipulation or even violence.
Love yourself. Easier said than done. Because we think we do, when all is fine. We love the weather even though it rains, we love the people around even if they are annoying, we love our jobs even though they involve boring tasks. But once something goes wrong we can catch ourselves off guard and rewind and ask: what were my first words? (how stupid of me, how naive I was, how clumsy, I should have known better...). The best way to start practicing is right now with every little misfortune, failure, unsuccessful event, heated conversation. Repetition makes the master. Later on, when the hell opens either in a form of injury, chronic illness, mental breakdown, divorce, loss of a relative we will know how to stay above water. Not by slamming with all force our feet and arms but by floating in the water with calm mind. Trusting our body and soul.
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